I am approaching half of my life that I have been studying self-work, healing, and changing habits, perspectives, perceptions, and attitudes. Learning so many words. To just live a loving, peaceful, grateful, forgiving, joyful, wise life. After I began this journey I met and married the most wonderful man, my love, my honey, my mentor by example. Fifteen and a half grateful years I gained uncriticized but supportive experiences to grow -finding me. Years of shedding ways that were not me.
When my husband died without warning in my and my grandson’s arms I left this dimension, a most simple way to say. The following years I spent emersed in Winter Shadow and Moon work as all that me I did not want -wanted me.
Today after 7 years of having to live with myself I have reached that peace most days. The problem I see is that I usually only have one-sided conversations. Those I could confide in and who were there for me with love and understanding have all moved on. So my Dog Lacy has been my BFF over these years. She has a warm cozy shoulder for crying on, takes me for walks/hikes and she slept next to me each night. She listens so well but is unable to speak my language when she tries to respond to our talks. Counseling lasted the first 3 years, one year more than one. Returning to Thursday night Music nights got me out of the house and surrounded by my awesome brothers who have been as kind as my husband, a very healing night each week-so grateful. Also grateful to my grandson who lives in the house with me, he is in his space, and me in mine. I also attend a local Hospice Grief Group in the past recent years.
So recently when hanging with a new person. They said the simple words “I am tired of frozen bread”. I had never noticed my frozen bread being any different ever. Today I hear their words and the bread seems a bit dry like frozen bread I am thinking.
So it seems my ways of being easily influenced have not changed other than I can identify and choose. “LIFE”. Safe humans are hard to come by for me…
5.22.2023