Sandpoint Blog – Grief For me, the list below (author unknown to me) is very true, after suddenly losing a grandchild in 10/24/2009, then 10/24/2011 the same 10/24 my best friend of 47 years whom I assisted in her final hours. 2015 when just returning to a new normal life, we were told our best friend had 18 months to live-she did it beautifully with so much strength and grace still we lost her at about eighteen months later. In her final few months she cared for me from the very day my Husband unexpectedly ascended Feb.2,2016 without warning, she slept on my couch many a night so I would not be alone. She was there to help me close my husband and I’s business, she was the last of my most trusted friends at that time. Below #4, 5, 6, were harder to accept after my husband left. I had test done on my heart as you really can not tell. #10,11,12, you learn and really get hours of practice in patience for yourself and that your not crazy. #16 I mastered a smile while tears ran down my cheeks to give comfort to those with you when this happens. #19 I so missed reading, then admitting to someone that you really can not follow what they are saying is not always what they like to hear-but it is true. #20 so much seemed unfair that I was still here and he was not, making the first year a tougher time. #21 I so love to smell his clothes-it has been 11 months since he left. #22 in the beginning it is a memory on replay 24-7. #24 I am doing, #26 is close to keeping what your loved one gave you, as you are almost re-born a new you. If # 27 is about feeling if you do or say the right thing they will return, even when you know that can not happen -but you find yourself feeling it. Please understand this is my adventure and we all have our own. Just be kind to yourself, know that what you feel in most cases is OK, time will return you sometime and you will be a different you. 2019 the first I felt capable, in time you will move on.  My belief-hope this helps.

Now on 10/24 2020 my first born daughter died, heartbreaking yet not unexpected,  Vodka took her.3 now on 10/24. Just as I was returning to what felt a normal feeling. Her Son here now and I hope for the best.  4/ 2021 a friend of 20 years I saw most often weekly died. 10/21 my renter and good neighbor died unexpected in local ER from Covid. I only mention here the people who were in my life on a regular basis-the harder saddest ones to process and accept. Hard to accept death, mostly for me when unexpected and someone you spend regular times with in your daily life are the hardest and longest to process. You never forget them. Hospice has great classes and monthly meetings if you would like the comfort of being with others that share your feelings the closest, with Sheryl (My friend of 47 years) I learned most people did not really understand what grief was and I felt it was uncomfortable for most to be around me. Class was comforting to be with others. It is not easy for me to accept that death is simply a part of life, yet, even if true.

3.08.2022 We passed 6 years since my honey died and this morning when I stepped out the front door i cried wanting to see him walking up the drive to come home so life could go back to living it with him. Crazy mind as Ted never walked up the drive, mourning my love. Been awhile since an emotional wave came of him. Still going to grief group. Still learning life on my own. My grandson has gone to college.

NORMAL MANIFESTATIONS OF GRIEF 1. Loss of appetite, nausea, diarrhea 2. Feeling of emptiness in the stomach 3. Lump in the throat 4. Tightness in the chest 5. Feeling of weakness 6 Palpitations 7. Inability to sleep, early morning awakening, extreme fatigue 8. Grinding the teeth during sleep 9. Dryness of the mouth 10. Inability to concentrate, forgetfulness regarding what is being done in the middle of a task, forget what is being said in the middle of a sentence 11. Loss of time perception 12. Difficulty with remembering or maintaining a schedule 13. Intense sense of loneliness and feeling of social isolation 14. Overwhelming sense of sadness 15. Longing for life to return to the way it was 16. Crying at unanticipated times 17. Over-sensitivity to noise 18. Breathlessness, frequent sighing 19. Restlessness, inability to complete normal tasks or read a book 20. Experience occasions of resentment that “life goes on” for others 21. Hear, smell, see loved one, particularly in familiar settings 22. Need to retell the details of the loss again and again 23. Experience a feeling of anger at the loved one for dying 24. Temporarily attempt to preserve life “as it was” for the loved one 25. Have recurrent feelings of guilt or remorse 26. Assume characteristics, mannerisms of the loved one 27. Have a sense of unreality about life and the death of the loved one

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