Uncover What Your Soul Truly Desires, 

Something off the internet I found interesting…Conscious Dating is about becoming curious, about who you are, what really motivates you, and what your soul most deeply desires. It is a practice, both spiritual and practical, that asks you to dig deep and be vulnerable with yourself and others, but through this work, suffering becomes optional. When we date consciously, we enter into a much different, and kinder, agreement. We agree that it’s okay to be alone. We agree that we’re enough. We agree that suffering is optional. When we move from this place of radical acceptance, we stop hiding. Dating is no longer the seeking of partnership for the sake of not being alone, it becomes a joyful adventure of deeply knowing and loving ourselves and others. Conscious dating is not a game; it is a practice. It is a commitment to serving the good, to self-love, and to acting with mindfulness.


DATING SITES Well, I must open with my most wonderful experience of dating sites, but I was only 47 in 2000. I believe it was a Match.com or close kinda site, no photos were part of the format. This may not be short, such an event does not deserve to be slighted. Living with just myself working 3 part time jobs living in a low income apartment. Four years of growing from a very eye opening, unexpected event of a divorce, teaching myself to represent myself in courts to fight for my children. I purchased my first Windows running computer in the Winter of 99-2000. Set up my first email at Yahoo who kept those ads flashing across my screen at the time for this match.com. One evening after a 12 hours weekend receptionist shift and some Wine I clicked. I read profiles, I wrote to one i related to and his reply was “do you understand I am gay” . Well, that was no surprise to me as I knew I wanted to meet someone in touch with their feminine side. The second person that I wrote who’s profile I so loved his writing , he replied with a message for me to write an email to him.


Remember I am brand new to yahoo and windows at this time so i write this gentleman who lives in town from my yahoo email and sign my aliases Annie. HE, so kindly replies “I know who you are I found you in the phone book, I will not call you though unless you ask”. I had no idea that emails arrived with your name in the heading. This was the start of a most wonderful over 15 years of friendship, fun, love, growth in self, romance, adventures and marriage, forever grateful. Living life experiencing forgiveness, love and gratitude, unconditional love. Our Children new each other and while this gentleman and I were still just emailing each other my Son said to me ” I know him, nice guy, go out with him you will like him” and I did.


So my inspiration to write this came in a message I received via a dating site today year 2020, they said ” Nice head of hair you wear it well” I ponder with a giggle as it is all they said. But it was their own words not an automated “wants to meet you wink.” I originally signed onto a dating site last year about this time just hoping for a friend that cared to wish me “good morning”  that I woke for another day or sweet dreams. I did not pay for a subscription but wrote in my profile that i had a web site and in my imagination “if it was meant to be it would be” they might contact me via my website. Well, that never happened and as the days became darker this year i paid for a subscription. I found photos to be of no help, most look so unhealthy. The dating sites structure to be controlling and not to my liking with auto replies in a “wink” or a “heart”. I found very few read or would write. I then added to my profile seeking someone who enjoys reading and writing so basic sounding-you think?

Crazy even if I write in their section about a perfect date, that they would start by sending a message and no automated ones and I still get automated ones. I also asked that they do not need to message me unless they read all my profile and they don’t. I just get those winks or want to meet you. It is hilarious but strange that under 50 to even 35 years of age contact me. It makes me want to reply “what in the world could you want with me?” but I don’t. I am going to let subscriptions run out.

Today Fall of 2020 I feel devoted to writing to a gentleman I did meet on a dating site. I have not even met yet in person. A year now but I feel gratefully indebted to so many good Morning notes, it really made my winter days better in 2019-20. A friend now for me, I still hope to meet someday at a Renaissance Fair, I as a fair lady. I feel he will be a brother, I love my brothers always have and always will. Evan though none are of blood but of heart. 5/23 we still stay in touch.

Some back story you might not know I lost all 3 of my closest friends, the ones you can say anything too, they died and I only hope to live long enough to make new ones. I find it not so easy. I have friends but not those that seem to want to stay in touch or that I have that comfort to say anything too. At least not till  Spring 2020 when I met a gentleman online. Our first meeting their was a energy connection that has grabbed my curiosity. We have met only a few times now, and they do not write nor even read but skim what i write, frustrating. My wants not his-work required-ugh. I still wonder how this person got this far with me-I do not give out my phone number but he has it.  We seem so opposite or unlike in many ways and alike in other ways. I see in him many perceptions of myself I have worked hard to leave behind. But I feel this un-logical comfort around him.  Much like my life long friend who passed in 2011 after 47 years of being there for each other whether living together or we had stayed in close contact or not over the years. We were so opposite and yet in our hearts the same. I thought maybe this could be similar. I believe it is a body’s energy thing most likely times shared in a past life, possibly, if you choose to believe that. It seems I will not know since that adventure ended after my daughter died in October 2020. But in those maybe 10 meetings I did learn many lessons and learned more of myself. I will always be grateful for that adventure. Sad we could not be friends or a brother. Funny a month later he called to ck on me and now another month and not a word. Please share your experiences I enjoy reading others adventures

I do not understand why 34-55 year olds click on “LIKE ME” I am 67 geese weird dating sites are today.

The snow is falling this morning and I recently had to ask one of these young inquiring men why would they have an interest in an old woman. Well the one is in Afghanistan who’s daily life I cannot imagine but because he is a young Widower i had to write back. Soon after I would not give my number the page was gone, sometimes I wonder if I am talking with a robot maybe.

Dec. 2020 I got off the dating sites. Knowing the love my husband had for me is just a once in a life time thing.

Jan. 13, 2021 two many grey winter days so signed up on 2 dating sites, we will see how it goes. Looking forward to next Summer and having some fun living life to the most of each moment again. Well I ended up signing up to 3 but only one was for us with STDS. Feb. finally someone who enjoys reading and writing, much in common, and all the way in Oregon, not sure what to think of such distance, but I do enjoy our writings-hmmm. This person comments about Ghosting someone, new words new ways to avoid being honest, silence often can be full of lies and then I have seen it full of love-silence always a mystery opening the door for assumptions-so sad.

So I continue to get odd messages from this std site. Always from younger men. Today out of boredom I wrote one back and said.”Cute Pic with your Pup in the back ground. I am way over your seeking age so I have to ask him “why is such a young handsome man messaging me, maybe you are computer generated, lol” His reply was “I am willing to put in the effort to find true lasting love.
I am here seriously to find someone to spend the rest of my life with and not to play games or any sex video chat or sex games. Can we text privately and know more about each other first? I would love to have your number so we can text and know more about each other?” again they want my phone number-thinking what a scam. Then the profile and conversation disappear.

In March 2021 I no longer am talking with Oregon guy seems we wrote enough to find we did not Match up well, it was a nice adventure. With Winter over and not really into the dating sites I am letting subscriptions go. When letting one of them go i received a notice saying this guy and I want to meet. It seemed like a guy they could be making up just to get me to keep my subscription. Well my curiosity got to me and after trying other ways to find out more about this guy if he was real or not and failing I subscribed again-feeling like a sucker. As it turned out he was real and we have been talking-we will see-hummm, May and still talking. He came to town in July, stayed a week but no feeling of connection.

In Spring of 2021 the spring of 2020 gentleman returned, we see each other maybe once a month or two. We are 2 hours apart and both have full lives and teenage boys in our homes. I still am not feeling he is anyone to live with but next door would work for me. I have no idea who he really is for future thoughts. I am gaining experience in just being in the NOW no yesterday no tomorrow when we spend time together-different. I am grateful for the practice/experience and he is good with it. This casual dating with spring 2020 gentleman in reality works well I get to laugh, have some fun and enjoy touch. If only I could banish my thoughts out of my head in-between our meetings. Pretty obvious my thoughts to sabotage a fun simple thing, learning lots about myself , my EGO from this adventure while it last. People come into our lives for a reason I believe. This one has had many lessons.

Now almost September 2021 and the weather cooling reminding me that Winter is coming I now have subscribed to 2 sites. One I renewed it is the Positive Singles for us herpes virus ones. I acquired from husband thinking I would be with him the rest of my life-then he passed. I have met one person “spring 2020 gentleman “in 100 miles with match virus and I am pretty sure he really does not care much for me or woman in general but it is fun to laugh with someone on occasion, he is funny, we have fun, can not say no to that. This Covid still limits things to do.

11-2021 The 2020 guy is gone again. I will miss our fun, I am not surprised as he is still trapped in the world of drama and blame habits, I have found. I decided last year I want to share unconditional loving friendship with him, just being an example to other ways.  I am feeling done with the dating sites again. Now a nice guy who reads, replies and writes very well, so kindly, has come along. I gave him my phone number the thing I do not do often. He still writes and has had no hurry to call-I like that. We will see…

12-27-21 Well from my November post the reads, write, reply contact well we met a few weeks ago had some nice walks and talks. Our views of most everything are so much the same. I am not sure how I feel about that still pondering, but we will continue to get more aquatinted and see.The Fall and Holidays seemed to increase the inquirers on the dating sites I think. I even got my first like from a guy just there to be sexually available -creepy. There is another one recently I may talk with more after the first of the year. . 3-23-22  Not much out there with my minimal search preferences. Still in touch with reads, write and replies contact and we still think so much alike. Still writing the renaissance brotherly friend. Still writing my grieving friend, I feel for him he is in the first year after the loss of his wife he loved so dearly. I unsubscribe then resubscribe, thinking a needle in a haystack might appear, 🙂

1-13-22, Did not realize it has been since December that i wrote last. So mister reads and writes well, is still writing. I met with him once awhile back before Thanksgiving as he is in Spokane and my youngest Son lives there. While visiting Son we met twice and enjoyed our time. He really is a very nice n kind human, so we will see.

5-24-22, seems I will continue to accept it is just me in this life. Still in touch emailing Renaissance now brother even though we just met once we still write,Renaissance Fair in June and I will go hang out. Currently emailing a grieving man in Moscow since last spring he appreciates my help. No plans to meet. Then there is the 2020 man he came back a few times and is in big changes in his life right now so do not think I will here from him any time soon if ever again, just no expectations. Kind words gentleman also from last Fall, we still email and text as some others. He is comfortable with his life as I am. So no future plans just another pen pal which I enjoy, we seem to think of the world alike. Still enjoying our talks, no expectations of anyone. I often wonder if I am shutting people out. 7-22 Nothing new as I am not on any sites.

8-26-22 Was a full spring and early Summer had medical issues kept my calendar full of tests etc. Enjoyed times with Mr reads n write well this spring, hung out a day with renaissance brother, we still write. Still in touch, writing grief gentleman, we have not met, and mister laughing fun from 2020 called after 4 months of silence. Bison gonna blow adventure-I felt not so uncomfortable at first to see him maybe as it had been so long. In time that comfort returned and we shared another great adventure as we do, Bison gonna blow an adventure in hauling a Buffalo to slaughter an all night road trip. He always leaves me wanting more on one hand and knowing my wants are futile on the other. So one-sided, real communication does not exist for any future, yet I kinda like how we are being so unconventional, but thats just me, may never see him again.  At this age I just cannot say no to a laughing fun good time whenever I can, even knowing each time could be a last, as there is no one else, at this time to laugh so much with. Seems I enjoy humor more then I realized. Always learning.

12-2022 On my Positive Single site the only one I have a subscription, has the same 8 guys within 200 miles for the past year or so. But I had to write and share this young mans name I saw this morning Picklecannon, now that is original, gave me a giggle.  Not much happening with the dating sites. Still write Grieving man in Moscow, and we have not met, Renaissance man and I exchanges notes weekly and Kind words from Spokane. Kind words has re-u knighted with a lady he has known 45 years and is my brother till this life ends he says. Nothing from 2020 in the moment fun guy, is good time to close that book.

2-23-23ish went the distance Positive Singles, left a comment thinking distance would deter them from reply. Gladly wrong, wonderful like minded, in touch with his emotions, cares about his health-takes care of himself, reads, writes a too good to be true, we will see. Just when I gave up and got a pup. Someone who gives me “I am cared about” feelings, been some time-feels good. Met first week in May-Mr Possibilities but still so far away-hummm




Facebook  for me it began as a place to search for old elementary friends. Four of them actually and I found 3 of the 4. My second want for this kinda platform was to share affirmations as I felt they were not used often or enough in general. Today I hear for those not enjoying their FB that people are rude and just not nice. I do not see this, the public I interact with are kind and love supporting. Humm is this a “you get what you give” result-hmmm I wonder. 2/15/21 Recently with the friend requests an unknown gentleman sent to me, I gave him my usual reply. First I ask “are you real” as often request are just a scam that makes you have to change your password, something I really do not want to do. Then I explain how since the beginning I have only friended those whom I have had a “in person” conversation with. I made this choice so I did not have a list of friends that I really did not know-too much for an old brain to try and remember where I knew them from.

So this Sam lets say got past my first few replies and I began to wonder is this guy for real. Is this just a really good robot. So next day we continued to message, he is in Syria, in the military on night duty. His FB page post are all only 7-8 hours old nothing older.  A widow, that too gave me first suspicion to try and relate to me. Then his wife died giving birth and by this time they repeated the exact same question as before that was answered. I then replied ‘Now you really sound like a robot” Well next I checked and conversation was gone and so was the profile. I wondered all this just to gain a phone number-hummm


Chemistry, ones opinion