Uncover What Your Soul Truly Desires, 

Something off the internet I found interesting…Conscious Dating is about becoming curious, about who you are, what really motivates you, and what your soul most deeply desires. It is a practice, both spiritual and practical, that asks you to dig deep and be vulnerable with yourself and others, but through this work, suffering becomes optional. When we date consciously, we enter into a much different, and kinder, agreement. We agree that it’s okay to be alone. We agree that we’re enough. We agree that suffering is optional. When we move from this place of radical acceptance, we stop hiding. Dating is no longer the seeking of partnership for the sake of not being alone, it becomes a joyful adventure of deeply knowing and loving ourselves and others. Conscious dating is not a game; it is a practice. It is a commitment to serving the good, to self-love, and to acting with mindfulness.

DATING SITES Well, I must open with my most wonderful experience of dating sites, but I was only 47 in 2000. I believe it was a Match.com or close kinda site, no photos were part of the format. This may not be short, such an event does not deserve to be slighted. Living with just myself working 3 part time jobs living in a low income apartment. Four years of growing from a very eye opening, unexpected event of a divorce, teaching myself to represent myself in courts to fight for my children. I purchased my first Windows running computer in the Winter of 99-2000. Set up my first email at Yahoo who kept those ads flashing across my screen at the time for this match.com. One evening after a 12 hours weekend receptionist shift and some Wine I clicked. I read profiles, I wrote to one i related to and his reply was “do you understand I am gay” . Well, that was no surprise to me as I knew I wanted to meet someone in touch with their feminine side. The second person that I wrote who’s profile I so loved his writing , he replied with a message for me to write an email to him.
Remember I am brand new to yahoo and windows at this time so i write this gentleman who lives in town from my yahoo email and sign my aliases Annie. HE, so kindly replies “I know who you are I found you in the phone book, I will not call you though unless you ask”. I had no idea that emails arrived with your name in the heading. This was the start of a most wonderful over 15 years of friendship, fun, love, growth in self, romance, adventures and marriage, forever grateful. Living life experiencing forgiveness, love and gratitude, unconditional love. Our Children new each other and while this gentleman and I were still just emailing each other my Son said to me ” I know him, nice guy, go out with him you will like him” and I did.

I will continue…

So my inspiration to write this came in a message I received via a dating site today year 2020, they said ” Nice head of hair you wear it well” I ponder with a giggle as it is all they said. But it was their own words not an automated “wants to meet you wink.” I originally signed onto a dating site last year about this time just hoping for a friend that cared to wish me “good morning”  that I woke for another day or sweet dreams. I did not pay for a subscription but wrote in my profile that i had a web site and in my imagination “if it was meant to be it would be” they might contact me via my website. Well, that never happened and as the days became darker this year i paid for a subscription. I found photos to be of no help, the dating sites structure to be controlling and not to my liking with auto replies in a “wink” or a “heart”. I found very few read or would write. I then added to my profile seeking someone who enjoys reading and writing so basic sounding-you think?

Crazy even if I write in their section about a perfect date, that they would start by sending a message and no automated ones and I still get automated ones. I also asked that they do not need to message me unless they read all my profile and they don’t. I just get those winks or want to meet you. It is hilarious but strange that under 50 to even 35 years of age contact me. It makes me want to reply “what in the world could you want with me?” but I don’t. I am going to let subscriptions run out.

Today Fall of 2020 I feel devoted to writing to a gentleman I did meet on a dating site. I have not even met yet in person. A year now but I feel gratefully indebted to so many good Morning notes, it really made my winter days better in 2019-20. A friend now for me, I still hope to meet someday at a Renaissance Fair, I as a fair lady. I feel he will be a brother, I love my brothers always have and always will. Evan though none are of blood but of heart.

Some back story you might not know I lost all 3 of my closest friends, the ones you can say anything too, they died and I only hope to live long enough to make new ones. I find it not so easy. I have friends but not those that seem to want to stay in touch or that I have that comfort to say anything too. At least not till  Spring 2020 when I met a gentleman online. Our first meeting their was a energy connection that has grabbed my curiosity. We have met only a few times now, and they do not write nor even read but skim what i write, frustrating. My wants not his-work required-ugh. I still wonder how this person got this far with me-I do not give out my phone number but he has it.  We seem so opposite or unlike in many ways and alike in other ways. I see in him many perspectives in myself I have worked hard to leave behind. But I feel this un-logical comfort around him.  Much like my life long friend who passed in 2011 after 47 years of being there for each other whether living together or we had stayed in close contact or not over the years. We were so opposite and yet in our hearts the same. I thought maybe this could be similar. I believe it is a body’s energy thing most likely times shared in a past life, possibly, if you choose to believe that. It seems I will not know since that adventure ended after my daughter died in October 2020. But in those maybe 10 meetings I did learn many lessons and learned more of myself. I will always be grateful for that adventure. Sad we could not be friends or a brother. Funny a month later he called to ck on me and now another month and not a word. Please share your experiences I enjoy reading others adventures

I do not understand why 34-55 year olds click on “LIKE ME” I am 67 geese weird dating sites are today.

The snow is falling this morning and I recently had to ask one of these young inquiring men why would they have an interest in an old woman. Well the one is in Afghanistan who’s daily life I cannot imagine but because he is a young Widower i had to write back. Soon after I would not give my number the page was gone, sometimes I wonder if I am talking with a robot maybe.

Dec. 2020 I got off the dating sites. Knowing the love my husband had for me is just a once in a life time thing.

Jan. 13, 2021 two many grey winter days so signed up on 2 dating sites, we will see how it goes. Looking forward to next Summer and having some fun living life to the most of each moment again. Well I ended up signing up to 3 but only one was for us with STDS. Feb. finally someone who enjoys reading and writing, much in common, and all the way in Oregon, not sure what to think of such distance, but I do enjoy our writings-hmmm. This person comments about Ghosting someone, new words new ways to avoid being honest, silence often can be full of lies and then I have seen it full of love-silence always a mystery opening the door for assumptions-so sad.

So I continue to get odd messages from this std site. Always from younger men. Today out of boredom I wrote one back and said.”Cute Pic with your Pup in the back ground. I am way over your seeking age so I have to ask him “why is such a young handsome man messaging me, maybe you are computer generated, lol” His reply was “I am willing to put in the effort to find true lasting love.
I am here seriously to find someone to spend the rest of my life with and not to play games or any sex video chat or sex games. Can we text privately and know more about each other first? I would love to have your number so we can text and know more about each other?” again they want my phone number-thinking what a scam. Then the profile and conversation disappear.

In March I no longer am talking with Oregon guy seems we wrote enough to find we did not Match up well, it was a nice adventure. With Winter over and not really into the dating sites I am letting subscriptions go. When letting one of them go i received a notice saying this guy and I want to meet. It seemed like a guy they could be making up just to get me to keep my subscription. Well my curiosity got to me and after trying other ways to find out more about this guy if he was real or not and failing I subscribed again-feeling like a sucker. As it turned out he was real and we have been talking-we will see-hummm, May and still talking. He came to town in July, stayed a week but no feeling of connection.

In Spring of 2021 the spring of 2020 gentleman returned, we see each other maybe once a month. We are 2 hours apart and both have full lives and teenage boys in our homes. I still am not feeling he is anyone to live with but next door would work for me. This casual dating with spring 2020 gentleman  in reality works well I get to laugh, have some fun and enjoy touch. If only I could banish my thoughts out of my head in-between our meetings. Pretty obvious my thoughts to sabotage a fun thing, learning lots from this adventure while it last. People come into our lives for a reason I believe. This one has had some lessons. Now almost September and the weather cooling reminding me that Winter is coming I now have subscribed to 2 sites. One I renewed it is the Positive Singles for us herpes virus ones. I acquired from husband thinking I would be with him the rest of my life-then he passed. A whole one person in 100 miles with match virus and I am pretty sure he really does not care much for me but it is fun to laugh with someone on occasion. This Covid still limits things to do.

Facebook  for me it began as a place to search for old elementary friends. Four of them actually and I found 3 of the 4. My second want for this kinda platform was to share affirmations as I felt they were not used often or enough in general. Today I hear for those not enjoying their FB that people are rude and just not nice. I do not see this, the public I interact with are kind and love supporting. Humm is this a “you get what you give” result-hmmm I wonder. 2/15/21 Recently with the friend requests an unknown gentleman sent to me, I gave him my usual reply. First I ask “are you real” as often request are just a scam that makes you have to change your password, something I really do not want to do. Then I explain how since the beginning I have only friended those whom I have had a “in person” conversation with. I made this choice so I did not have a list of friends that I really did not know-too much for an old brain to try and remember where I knew them from.

So this Sam lets say got past my first few replies and I began to wonder is this guy for real. Is this just a really good robot. So next day we continued to message, he is in Syria, in the military on night duty. His FB page post are all only 7-8 hours old nothing older.  A widow, that too gave me first suspicion to try and relate to me. Then his wife died giving birth and by this time they repeated the exact same question as before that was answered. I then replied ‘Now you really sound like a robot” Well next I checked and conversation was gone and so was the profile. I wondered all this just to gain a phone number-hummm